Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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