I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
