when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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