I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
