playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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