Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
