good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
3 2 1 whiskey
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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