we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can I color on your dick again?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There's even glitter on my cock...
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