i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
