How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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