I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Where did you get a picture of my penis
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
