We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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