i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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