So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
