I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize