You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
