she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
