The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
