I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This girl is more easily done than said...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
