Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
