So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
