the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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