The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
