please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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