Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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