If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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