Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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