Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We need to get me chipped asap
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