Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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