His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
