its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
