just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
