so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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