promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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