I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
