I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
