I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
