I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
