I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
