so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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