I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
