what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
