Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
