4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
