So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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