Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
