I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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