I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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