U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We are two peas in an std pod
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
