How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize