I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
