And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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