Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
