I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
