During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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