lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
