he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
