Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
