lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
