after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
