Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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