Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just had sex on a roof
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
