Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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