I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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