True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
