I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
