I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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