He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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