idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
