you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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