I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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