My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
